As my 40th birthday approaches at lightening speed, I’ve found myself questioning – is 40 really the new 30? I’ve thought plenty about the time I turned 20 and 30. At 20, I was full of energy, unsure of myself and just in my second year of university, excited about the future but knew absolutely nothing about anything. At 30, I was a corporate climber and living a very suburban life with my now ex-husband.
Now, here I am at 40, and I can honestly say my life is completely different! In fact, most of the things I thought I valued at 20 and 30, have since changed. I no longer work a corporate job, have a husband, or even live in the same country. If there’s one thing certain I’ve learned, life never stops changing, especially if you don’t want it too. There’s so much more to experience and see when you start doing what you want and stop doing what you think is expected of you.
Here are 40 or so things I’ve learned in 40 years….
- Whatever You’re Afraid of Do It! You don’t grow balls without change, get out of your comfort zone and do the shit that will make you tougher, stronger, fierce and fearless. Live in a country far from home, travel to places you’ve never been, explore, start a business, climb a mountain, speak your mind, become a fighter! Just a few things I did after 40. #feariscrippling
- Think Less and Do More. Yes, you need some kind of direction in your life, but the more you sit on it, the less likely it will happen. Start now, when life smacks you around and you fall on your face – this is where you learn, adapt and grow. Experiences give you power.
- Take a Leap of Faith and Follow Your Heart. Sure it doesn’t always work out the way you think it will – I certainly have plenty of good and bad experiences from that, but what I learned in the process was all the more important. I left a cozy job, left a bad relationship, travelled far around the world for love, and even left my home country to satisfy my heart.
- Live and Breathe Your Passion. Do whatever makes your soul happy. You don’t need to have your own business to do that either, find the right job, with the right team. Without passion for what you do, you’ll absolutely hate your life! Remember your day job is where you spend the most time; you better love what you’re doing and enjoy the company you’re doing it with. Put that energy into something you believe in!
- Have a Love Story! Fall in love with your soul mate, travel halfway around the world for a first date in Paris, get on a plane with nothing more than your Louis Vuitton to save a relationship, go to Mexico for a chance encounter on New Years with your long lost love. Have a romantic; melt your heart-kind of love story. The kind that movies are made of, that will leave you breathless and wanting more.
- Test Your Limits. For 10 years I tested myself physically, emotionally and mentally competing in fitness. Not only did I learn a lot about finding internal motivation, I also learned how to channel my negative energy through tough times into something very positive. Today, I may no longer compete, but at the age of 40, I have found new challenges that ignite my fire and test myself physically and mentally.
- There’s No Such Thing as Failure. Placing 4th at one of the biggest fitness events in the world taught me more than the reward. There is progress in the process to achieve any goal, and if you don’t place 1st, it doesn’t matter because you will learn so much more about yourself from the work you’ll put in and the experience you gained. #giveit150percent
- Never Stop Learning or Growing. Simple once you stop learning, you essentially die. Don’t do that. Set goals for every part of your life. Read books, listen to podcasts, talk to people about their experiences. Learn another language, learn a new skill, take up a new activity. Challenge yourself mentally and physically, and never stop. You’re never too old to make a change. Dream bigger – aspire to be more. Don’t stop at one goal, keep progressing, keep learning.
- Surround Yourself with Badass Bitches. Pick strong women to look up to and teach you what you don’t know. If your girlfriends are more concerned about where to go drinking on Ladies Night, what kind of purse you have, or those that are looking for a sugar daddy, you’re hanging with bitches that have all the wrong priorities and most likely don’t give a fuck about you either. Find a new crew!
- The Universe Gives You What You Ask For. Yep – think positive and clearly with intention about what you want – the universe will answer. Just be careful what you wish for, and the message you put out! Keep manifesting positive vibes. You do have control over what you want to achieve and the direction you want to take your life.
- Believe in a Higher Power. Seek knowledge in consciousness and universal connection. You don’t need to believe in God, but you need to believe in something. Spirituality is important for balance, it keeps us heart centred and focused on what’s really important in life.
- Girls can be Fucking Bitches, But Women Can Empower and Inspire. Find your tribe of fierce bitches and love them hard! Stick with them. Tell the rest to go fuck themselves. Drop the haters, drama queens and fake-ass bitches! You don’t need anyone dulling your shiny crown! Remember you only need to hang with those that are worthy of your time – skip out over the #timesuckingvampires
- All Men Will Try to Fuck You. It’s what they do, and what their programed to do. ‘The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don’t know how to screw you’; enough said Samantha from Sex in the City. Whether it’s in bed or in the boardroom, men will try to screw you one way or another. Simple – don’t let them. Be a nice bitch, give and take. Learn how to play the game and you’ll get what you want, whether in a relationship or in your career.
- Don’t Fuck Your Way to The Top. When working with men; be like them, except better. Learn how to read them, use emotional intelligence, and work with them not against them. Be one of the boys, have a backbone, be strong and you will slay! Don’t be a bimbo, and don’t use sex to get what you want! In my first few months of working with a team of fired up twenty something alpha males, for a fast-growing supplement company, I took it straight from the office floor to the gym floor. Pound for pound I could lift more, and turned them from naysayers to believers in my research abilities. I built a name and respect as a researcher and writer in a male dominant field.
- Good Nutrition Gives You Wings. Garbage in, equals garbage out. Don’t eat processed shit! Eat only fresh, natural, wholesome foods, and whenever possible buy organic. The better you eat, the more energy you’ll have. A good diet, will provide you with all the vitamins, minerals, nutrients you need to stay healthy and fit for life. Not to mention help reduce the terrible signs of aging. #Istillgetcarded
- Learn How to Cook, Quick Easy and Healthy Dishes. Salad is a no brainer and my go to. Learn how to BBQ, how to plate food, make guacamole, marinate meat, create appetizers and cook a Sunday roast! All the things any #hotbabe should know how to do! Of course it also helps if you live with an executive chef for 6-months. #thxcobus
- Love and Accept Yourself. If you don’t love you, who will? For a long time, I didn’t like myself much, and it got me nowhere fast. The moment I started accepting who I am, was the moment I started moving forward. Believe in yourself and don’t ever give up. The moment you stop believing is the moment people will step all over you! Don’t be a doormat. Hold your own, fight for what you want. And if you don’t, figure out why!
- Don’t Give into Temptations to Cure Unhappiness. Instead of going out every weekend and getting wasted, do something positive with that pent up stress. Lift iron, hit the heavy bag, challenge yourself, get out of the negative cycle and meet new people. Change is inevitable if you want it to be. #MuayThaiLove
- Live in the Moment. Thinking constantly about the future or the past will fuck you up really good! Don’t do it, the moment will pass and then you’re fucked. Be happy; enjoy what the universe throws at you fully! Relax. Go on that trip with that Brazilian fighter, jump on that jet-ski with that hot gangster, go to the wedding in Provence, hop on a plane to Vegas for that red-carpet VIP UFC party, travel to Paris and stay along the Champs Elysse with that Rugby Calendar boy. Trust me – you won’t regret it. Create stories to last a lifetime.
- Live Fast, Burn Slow! Get lit, it’s ok to relax your mind. Burn on a beach in Cabos while the sun sets in a crimson sky, smoke up with your parents in the mountains in Whistler and talk about life. Let go, it’s ok to unwind. Getting high can actually help you reduce anxiety and help to focus on happy thoughts instead of the false stressors of life. Just don’t make it a regular habit. #420
- Live with Gay Men at Least Once in Your Life. Yes, they’ll cook you great food, keep a cleaner house then you, but they’ll also teach you everything you need to know about sex, fashion, make-up, confidence and how to do your hair. Let them teach you. You’ll also learn how quickly they can replace your ex-boyfriend or in my case husband! Not to mention, provide great distraction and drama when you’re busy hating your life. #loveulongtimeTyTy
- Dance and Be Free. No matter what your age – learn to enjoy life, dance and be free! Dancing releases happy endorphins that mellow us out and help to de-stress! Find a balance, dance on the beach, go out and laugh with your friends, be free. And by the way, you can still enjoy #housemusic even if you’re 40!
- Don’t Let Your Age Dictate Where You Think You Should Be in Life. At 32, I got married and made a huge mistake, I did it because I thought I had to, not for love. Because I was at a stage in my life that I thought I needed to get married and have kids, even if the man I was with was not for me. Now at 40, I’m living the life I was dreaming about at 32. #lifecanchange
- Great Sex Can Come Without Attachment. Not every single encounter with a man was meant to end in marriage or love. Life is boring AF without great sex – so enjoy it. Be comfortable and confident in what you want, and if you’re not – work on that body and love yourself from the inside out!
- Learn How to Do Bad Ass Shit. Drive a stick shift because its’ cool AF. Learn how to change a tire, or ride a bike. Teach yourself how to use a screwdriver and a drill. Try your hand at pool, shooting arrows and throwing axes. Join a martial art and learn how to kick and punch like a badass bitch. Do things that will empower you and give you more confidence from the inside out.
- Have Fucking Gratitude. When you’re bitching about not having enough money to go on vacation, or a buy a new purse – stop and think for a minute. Learn to appreciate your job, your opportunities even if you’re not exactly happy. Things can always be much worse. There isn’t a day that doesn’t pass that I don’t give thanks for waking up in such a beautiful place, doing exactly what I love and surrounded by amazing people.
- Gangsters and Bad Boys Will Break You. When it comes to relationships my track record is definitely not one to model after, I’ve dated every single wrong type of guy for me, but what I do know is: Brazilians are the best lover a girl could ever ask for, bodybuilders, pro athletes are definitely the most self-absorbed. Gangsters and bad boys will always break your heart, even though you will love them the most – choose wisely!
- Let Go of Shit That Doesn’t Mean Shit. Who cares what anyone thinks of you. Be confident in your approach and believe in yourself. Stop worrying about shit that doesn’t matter like having a six-pack, coloring your hair a different shade, or if that guy you hooked up with is watching your social media feed. Let that shit go!
- Marriage and Divorce are Just Words. Don’t let society or your family tell you to get married because you’re at such and such and age, or that it’s not ok to get a divorce if you’re miserable. You don’t need to be married to be in a committed relationship. Find your partner in crime, someone who will make you better, make you smile, sing to you, make you fight for it, take a bullet for you and work just as hard for you as you do for them – marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness, real love takes work!
- Success and Fulfillment Come With Ups and Downs. It is not one continuous straight line to get to a goal – there are twists, loops, you will go backward and make steps forward. You’ll have to do things you fucking hate, and you will also get to do things you love. The road to get there will come with hurdles that will have you questioning to go on or not. Keep going.
- Dreams Can Come True. The dreams you had of living a life abroad in a glamorous city, writing a weekly column for a famous magazine, competing on the world’s stage, being a cover girl, running a company you absolutely love, working for a company you help build, traveling the world, or being on a TV show can all happen if you want them too. They certainly did for me. #neverstopdreaming
- There’s No Such Thing as Luck. Consistency and authenticity are what wins the game. Be a boss, act like a boss. Take a leadership role. Practice, practice, practice. Do the same thing, over and over, become a master at your passion.
- Find Your PIC. It’s not ok to settle for anything that overshadows you from growth. Don’t date assholes that don’t appreciate you. Act like you’re the queen and eventually find your king. Never be too available – let them earn it. Be the queen B, not a push-over idiot.
- All That Glitters is Not Gold. Learn to read people, understand their true intentions. Most want to take from you and will not give back. Don’t let that happen.
- Love Your Parents No Matter What. They might have been hippies, with no clue on how to raise an only daughter, but damn did they do a good job at raising a woman who could stand up for herself and fight for what she wanted. #thanksmomanddad
- You Don’t Need Stupid Shit! Stuff is just stuff that means nothing. Live a lean life that isn’t filled with things that won’t bring you happiness. That includes purses, shoes, watches, and anything else that won’t be important and will be out of style come next season. Save your money. Have experiences – travel more, pay off your credit cards, and have a nest egg for the future.
- Give Back, Care for Others, Open Your Heart. When you do good things the universe will reciprocate it back. You get what you fucking give. Don’t wait for someone to do something nice for you either, do it first. You’ll automatically feel good for helping someone that needs it.
- Learn How to Be a Sexy Bitch. Ladies, even if you hate make-up learn how to do it! Learn the basics, take a lesson, there really is no excuse. Teach yourself how to use cover up and contour your face. Practice applying eyeliner and how to put your brows on properly. #thesethingsreallyareimportant
- Dress to Impress When You Need To. I long gave up the pencil skirts and stilettos, but I still got’em when I need’em. Always dress the part, be sexy AF, even it you’re at the gym. And no don’t do it for the D, do it for you! Cause when you dress sexy, you feel like a powerful B!
- Be the Action Hero in Your Own Movie! My last piece of advice – be Wonder Woman! Take action every day to build a life of fulfillment – one that you can tell amazing stories from. Date a gangster, jump out of a plane, party in Ibiza till the sun comes up, watch the sunset on the Dead Sea, drive a fast car, do moonlight yoga, take up Muay Thai, travel to the middle of no-where to climb a mountain, learn how to contour your face, wear red lipstick, and 6 inch heels when you need to, shoot with a photographer, pose nude for a cover, learn a different language and a different culture, compete in figure, write your story, live your live. Even though I’m now 40… life certainly isn’t over, in fact I feel like its just getting started. Whether 40 is the new 30 or not, cheers to the next 40 and being Wonder Woman!
Until Next Time…
Be Fierce & Rule the World,