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How to Be Fat, Skinny and Average!

  • 2
  • June 23, 2019
Lauren Jacobsen
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If you’re not sure, if I’m being sarcastic, let me first say I am.  The purpose of this post is to merely point out the difference between putting in the work to achieve the body and life you want and being lazy and making no effort to go get it!  Building a lean curvy body, kicking ass like a badass and having a fulfilling life takes dedication, time, a whole lot of passion and a little bravery too! So just in case you want to be like everyone else, keep reading.

20 Ways to Be Fat, Skinny and Average…

  1. Forget About Lifting – that’s right ladies, if you’re not interested in building sexy curves then forget about lifting weights. By weights – I mean heavy weights, enough weight to break a sweat and feel sore post-workout – you can increase lean body mass, bone density and even increase your metabolic rate.  If you would rather stay skinny-fat, risk osteoporosis later in life and keep your metabolism sluggish then by all means, forget about lifting!
  2. Fuck Your Diet – Sticking to a diet is so hard when sugar tastes so good! Eating a healthy diet of fresh, natural foods, takes self restraint and effort – that’s so hard!   Planning your calorie and macro needs to your requirements guarantees better results – a better body composition – more lean mass, less body fat and by all means a healthier you – now why would you want that?
  3. Skip Over Veggies & Fruit– Eww vegetables; who wants all those natural phytonutrients, fiber, vitamins and antioxidants that can keep your skin from sagging, your complexion bright and your gut healthy.  Eating more vegetables and even fruit, can increase your antioxidant capacity and can help protect against disease and the effects of aging.
  4. Stress the Fuck Out – Yep, stress is the perfect way to solve problems and help your fat loss efforts. If you didn’t know, stress increases the release of the hormone cortisol, which can blunt fat burning, but also stop the muscle building process.  Stressing over anything and everything will help maintain that skinny-fat look perfectly.
  5. Don’t Eat Protein – Protein is for those who want to have big bulky muscles right? If you’re still believing this misconception, then by all means don’t waste your time with protein. Protein does a lot more than just maintain lean muscle, it also helps skin keep firm and tight, nails strong and hair lustrous!  If you’re not interested in maintaining a trim, lean body then make sure you eat less than 40% of your calories from protein!
  6. Sleep Less than 6 Hours – recovery of your body and your brain happens when you sleep.  If you want to be sure you’re not fresh faced, full of energy every day, then be sure to sleep as little as possible.  You’ll also increase cortisol – the catabolic muscle breaker; and likely gain fat weight too – excellent!  Studies have shown that those who sleep less than 6 hours are likely to be fatter than those who get a good 8 hours of sleep every night.
  7. Party and Drink – who wants to suffer with FOMO! Better to be at every party, surrounded by toxic people that care less if you’re there or not!  Not to mention suffer the hangover that comes the day after.  You’ll not only miss out on much of the next day, but also suffer the consequences of alcohol – dehydration, most likely binge eating and slowing fat burning and muscle building to a halt.  Why only party occasionally and do something productive with your time instead?
  8. Stick in a Job You Hate – Very rarely does anyone find a job they love – right? Work should be horribly painful, sitting watching the clock tick by, until the end of the day, just to collect a tiny pay check that barely covers the rent.  Finding a job you love, and having passion for what you do takes strategy and planning – who has time for that?  Planning a career you have passion for takes persistence and dedication.  You have to strategize your career moves, what you’ll do at each step and sometimes take less cushy jobs in order to get ahead in the long run – who wants to do that?
  9. Ignore Your Issues – Who wants to deal with shit, better to ignore and let it eat you up inside. Be a bitter bitch instead of facing up to who you are head on and making progress forward.  It’s so much easier to complain and be unhappy.
  10. Hang Out with Toxic Bitches – Who cares if they’re more concerned about their problems and having their egos stroked.  You don’t need to have meaningful and trusting friendships. It’s your duty to listen, let them take you down and absorb their negative problems; even if they’re time sucking vampires that don’t share your positive outlook on life – who cares!
  11. Skip Workouts – Don’t feel like training today, no problem! There’s always tomorrow right?  Why is it so important to stick to a regular training program anyway – you might get too big and bulky right?  You might make progress from taking a body from skinny fat to lean, trim and sexy!
  12. Stay in Your Bubble – Going outside of your safety bubble is scary, who knows what’s on the other side, you might find something that challenges you, putting yourself out there exposes you to change and new experiences that you might grow from.  Forget about trying a new sport, learning a new language, travel or living somewhere new.  All those things take guts!
  13. Forget Traveling – Why would you want to explore the world, meet new people, see new things, and expose your self to new cultures. Sounds kind of awful right?  Would be much better to spend that money on a purse or a pair of shoes you don’t need then to have an amazing experience that will give memories to last a lifetime!
  14. Let Other People Determine Your Values – Figuring out who you are, what you want out of life and questioning why things are the way they are takes educating yourself, letting go of your safety net and possibly losing friends you didn’t like anyway.
  15. Don’t Set Goals or Measure Progress – Setting goals puts a definitive end date in place, something you need to work toward.  You might fail at making your weight target, learning a new combination or nailing a lift.  Setting goals leads to progress and change; better to leave things to chance.
  16. Avoid Gratitude – Being grateful for everything you’ve accomplished points out the positive in your life.  Better to focus on the negatives and all the things you don’t have.
  17. Stay in a Relationship You Hate – Unhappy, miserable? All the romance is gone?  Stay – it’s easier than leaving, you might have to be on your own, get to know yourself more; starting over is hard.
  18. Don’t Help Others – Helping others makes you feel good inside; why would you lend a hand to someone in need.  You need to only think about yourself and your needs, that’s all that matters right?
  19. Forget About Reading and Education – Reading and learning is for school, once your done, your done – right?  You might open your mind up to new ideas and view points on the world.  You might learn something new, or learn something about yourself you didn’t know.
  20. Don’t Take Responsibility – You’re the victim right?  You never did anything wrong, everything is always done to you by other people.  Don’t stop to ask questions, make assumptions and excuses instead.

Let this list be a reminder to do something awesome with your life, small steps in a direction to go after the body and life you want. Have your own reminders, anything you would add to the list – make your comments below!

Until Next Time…

Be Fierce & Rule the World,

LJ

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